yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize