you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There r osticjed everywhere
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
