Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
