On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
