everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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