I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize