I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize