Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
