Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
