i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
