Cold hands, warm shart.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
