he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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