how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
