First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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