Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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