the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
