Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
