I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
How external is "for external use only"?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
