She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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