We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
