She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
