Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
