He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
