I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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