I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
