this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize