I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
