In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
