You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
