who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
