Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
