i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
