How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
