I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
