Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Damn victory sex feels great
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
