you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
