Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize