Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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