we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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