I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
