what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
