allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
