I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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