I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
