Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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