We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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