Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
