We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
jump out the window naked night went bad
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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