I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
