drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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