I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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