I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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