Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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