Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
