North Korea, Best Korea!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize