if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
