I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
