I think I won the penis lottery.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
