I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
