Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
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