Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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