Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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