The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
