She swung at the pinata with crutches
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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