i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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