saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
