I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
