i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
