I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
