I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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