Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
