I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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