I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
