You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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