I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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