you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
