No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
