"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
