If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
